The AB3s of Answering the Real Question

September 10th, 2024

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“What does that acronym mean?” 

A senior sales executive I recently coached joined our weekly call quite frustrated. She felt sabotaged. Twice during an important customer’s quarterly review, she’d been interrupted with the same question: “What does that acronym mean?”

We’d spent multiple coaching sessions crafting an elegant opening for this high-stakes pitch—one designed to spark curiosity and lead naturally into a potent strategic discussion. Instead, the first minutes were derailed into defining basic jargon to a top client. She didn’t get to have the richer interaction we had envisioned. 

“Tell me exactly what happened,” I debriefed. “Nothing happened,” she insisted, “I was asked the question, so I defined the acronym, took a breath, and moved on. A few moments later when they flagged a different term, I responded the same way. Asked and answered.”

There is no way to know precisely “what happened” since I wasn’t there to observe her actual delivery. It is entirely possible that the disappointing dynamic had more to do with the audience's mood than anything within her control as the presenter. Nonetheless, we decided to give the interaction some serious reflection.

A question was answered with 100% accuracy. Assuming she handled this straightforward exchange without a grimace or flicker of condescension, what else could this unexpected “acronym-asker” have wanted at that moment? Something had caused rapport to be broken.

After 12 years coaching C-suite leaders around the world, here’s what I know: there’s a way to answer questions that builds trust—and a way that quietly erodes it. Correct answers are valuable but only part of the equation. 

Here are the AB3s of navigating these crucial interactions:

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Accentuate their Actual Concern. A client at a construction company bidding for a major project was recently asked by a persnickety buyer, “What do you use to measure cement?” Eager to demonstrate his expertise, the project manager launched into a 10-minute, highly technical explanation of the complex sequence of processes involved in measuring cement. Confident of the thorough explanation, he proudly asked the prospective buyer, “Does that answer your question?” The manager’s heart sank with the response, “I just wanted to know what unit you use—¼ inch in 10 feet? 20 feet?”

Asked and answered. Rapport—diluted. 

Not only did this speaker waste precious minutes of the listener's time, he also missed a golden opportunity to create dialogue, excavate the client’s real concern, and provide the most relevant response that would build trust. Even in the most seemingly transactional exchange of information, that possibility is always there.

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Respond Beyond the Transaction of Information. As someone with a pesky gluten allergy, I know a thing or two about asking the same transactional questions over and over again, meal by meal, and observing how different servers around the world handle me. There's a direct correlation between their response and their business outcome (measured in my American tipping range of 17%–22% for their table service). It goes something like this:

Me: “Are the chicken wings coated in flour before they’re fried?”

Waiter #1: Looking me straight in the eyes, confident and seemingly knowledgeable: “No.” He scribbles down my order and walks away.

Me: I sit there distrustfully brewing. “We’ll see,” I mutter helplessly to myself, recalling a decade’s worth of being poisoned by casual chefs despite asking this exact question.

Asked and answered. But trust? Not at my table. 

Here’s the other variation:

Me: “Are the chicken wings coated in flour before they are fried?”

Waiter #2: ”Usually not, but last week they looked a little different than they do today. Let me check with the kitchen. More importantly, you ordered the teriyaki-glazed salmon as an entrée, which has a glaze made with soy (aka wheat). Are you celiac, allergic, or dieting? I want to make sure your whole meal is alright.”

Me: 22%

Waiter #2 is less assured in the response, but they display a high level of integrity. More valuable, they use my question as an opportunity to build partnership and trust, not just prove they memorized the ingredient list of every item on the menu. They thought about why I was asking and took responsibility for my entire dining experience.

Server #2 gets the bigger tip. By consulting with me rather than simply answering the question and moving on, they achieved a far better business outcome.

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Take Time to Deepen the Relationship. Did the “acronym-asker” really want a definition? Or was he asking for something more? Maybe he was gently signaling that the language used was not appetizing to his ear and subtly requesting a less jargon-y exchange. Perhaps he was indirectly flagging that the tech-talk felt alien to his team and that this minor interruption reflected a larger frustration with how strained he viewed the relationship. Or perhaps he was seeking a more human-centered interaction that aligned with how his organization actually speaks about its priorities, rather than the internal shorthand of my client’s company.

If any of those intuitions had a kernel of truth, defining the acronym and moving on would never have satisfied the moment, let alone strengthened the bonds of trust. With small adjustments, there are hidden possibilities to shift relationships in these crucial interactions.

In the acronym example: 

A) Accentuate their Actual Concern – The customer probably needed to hear that she intended to be easy to work with and know she was committed to making these quarterly updates, and all interactions with her team, as “user-friendly” as possible.

B) Respond Beyond the Transaction of Information – Along with providing the requested definition, she could have committed to adjusting her language as the conversation continued, inviting them to interrupt again if other terms felt unclear.

3) Take Time to Deepen the Relationship – Genuinely thanking them for the implied feedback that enables her to “show up” as a reliable and desirable partner as they continue their partnership.

There is no single “correct” way to handle these interactions. But consider this: frequently there's more possible than meets the ear. Answer the question, of course, but also consider using these moments to uncover what may be driving the question in the first place. Strengthen trust in the process.

Connect with Ari

Inspirations for this blog stem from real experiences with clients, thoughtful discussions with colleagues, and the in-depth research and readings publicly available on communication, leadership, and influence. If you're looking to explore the ideas behind The AB3s of Answering the Real Question more deeply, here’s a list of insightful resources that have primarily informed this work:

• Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, and Emily Gregory - 2002

• Care to Dare by George Kohlreiser, Susan Goldsworthy, and Duncan Coombe – 2012

• Connect, Then Lead in Harvard Business Review by Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, and John Neffinger – 2013

• Little Rules About Big Things by Morgan Housel -- 2022

• Talk by Alison Wood Brooks – 2025

These offer frameworks, case studies, and expert insights that pair with The AB3 Group's philosophy—and may spark your next level of growth. Let's talk!